What to do?

     I was going through some pieces of writing that I had in my laptop and I ended up reading something that I wrote 4 years ago. I usually feel like I’ve matured when I read something old because now I don’t see things in the same way or because my life has changed. Nevertheless, I can always relate to at least part of this piece of writing that my 14 years old self wrote to liberate herself. I loved it back then and I still love it now, so I’ll do my best to translate it:

     What to do when you don’t know how to explain what’s happening to you? What to do when you don’t know whom to trust? What to do when you don’t know if you’re doing the right thing, or if what’s right for some people ends up being the wrong thing? What to do if you’re seeing your world falling apart and you can’t do anything to avoid it? What to do if what’s the salvation for some turns out to be your ruin? What to do if your main reason for not believing in a God is that you don’t want to add anyone more to the list of things you despise? What to do if you don’t know how to go on, if you don’t know what step to take next, if you don’t know what to name what you’re living, what’s happening to you? What to do if you only can think about one thing, in spite of knowing it’s not possible for it to happen? What to do if you only like two or three sides of your future, you loathe five or six and you’re afraid of ten? What to do if just by thinking of your next five years, fear overcomes you and it’s impossible for you to make it retreat? What to do when everything seems lost and you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel? What to do when everyone puts you aside, when no one pays attention to you, when as much as you try, you don’t get to be happy and if you are at some point, something happens that keeps you from thinking happily? What to do if looking to the future is scary, looking to the past hurts and being in the present is impossible? What to do if getting up every day is so hard? What to do if you can’t pretend anymore, if you need to show who you are but you’re not given the chance, or they scare the life out of you making you believe that all of them are truly happy while you are just pretending? What to do if you need to tell somebody, but you don’t know what you need to tell, only that you have to tell it? What to do if as much as you hide, they find you and as much as you try to claim that the person they’ve found is not you, they don’t listen, they become deaf suddenly?